Snails, Painted Nails and Puppy Dog Tails

No, I’m not mixed up about the things “that little boys are made of.”  My subject this week is much more serious. I want to talk to you about the hindrances and hazards of painting your wife’s kitchen.  It may seem like a minor issue, but there are some troublesome side effects that accompany such a project, and over the years, they have become the reasons why I have avoided painting whenever possible. So, I urge you to listen to my wise and experienced counsel. Your peace of mind, your sanity and your spiritual equilibrium are at stake. 

You see, for me, painting is right up there with root canals and kidney stones.  They are expensive, they are always a painful experience and there is just no relief until it’s over.  

How is it that I have come to see things this way? 

Reason #1

Because it takes so long. I am, by nature, rather methodic anyway, but nothing drags on and on like a painting project. Everything has to be planned out. First, the colors have to be decided on (which, by the way, is not under my control!). Then tools and supplies have to be gathered, tarps have to be laid down, the walls and trim have to be cleaned and then taped off, etc. And when you add to this the fact that I am as slow as a snail when it comes to technique, frustration rises to the surface. But that is not all…

Reason #2

Because I am so messy. After only a short time of moving the paint from the safety of its can to the place on the ceiling or wall (where it will reside for another decade or two), I am forced to stop and take inventory of the damage.  For whatever reason, I now have more paint on me than on the wall! I have paint on my arms, paint on my clothes, and, worst of all, I now have painted fingernails!  All of which I can barely see through all the tiny paint spots on my glasses!

But as bad as that is, nothing is more frustrating than …

Reason #3

Because we have a dog!  Or, to be truthful, an overgrown puppy, who has only one desire in the entire world: He wants to be where I am helping me do what I am doing. And since this makes him exuberantly happy, his body and his tail are always in motion.  The result! Paint gets transferred to various other places around the house that we are not planning on painting! Places such as the tile floor, the hardwood floor, the carpet in my office, sections of wall we are not painting that color, etc. 

So, in my experienced opinion, I urge you to just hire someone to paint your wife’s kitchen and you and your faithful dog go to Florida and lay on the beach until it’s done!  If you can’t do that, then memorize Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. You are going to need that verse!    


Rick Amerine is the Senior Pastor at Maple Grove.